A Visit

Hi, it's really been a while since my last post. 

I do miss writing down my life events and my emotions here, but as you know, 2021 was a year of hurricanes amidst the pandemic to me. I do not know where to begin. Perhaps the closest thing I can start with is from August 2021. Not long after my last entry, one of my friends passed away. She was, in fact, close to me. We went to the same uni, went to the same workplace, lived in the same neighbourhood, and went to work together almost every day.

So you can imagine what it was like to lose her. My colleagues at work and I knew that was bound to happen. Her death was predictable. From March to August 2021, she was so frail, so sick, that it was almost impossible for her to carry her workload. The sickness seemed to consume her own body. She was skinny, we could see that clearly. She suffered, and the last thing we can do for her is to let her rest and asked her not to come to the office.

On August 12th, 2021, she left us. Without knowing who she was with at the time of her death, we rushed to find whatever information we can use to deal with the situation. What we imagined was her, all alone, with no one beside her death bed. Fortunately, she was with her aunt. She was buried in her childhood home, near the grave of her mother. After her death, I couldn't keep myself together for about two weeks. As soon as I was able to stand on my feet again, work came rolling in like waves. The rest of the remaining members in my office also had to deal with the emotional breakdown while trying to survive the current.

Months after that I gave birth to a new social initiative. It was indeed, one of the best things I won't regret doing, but at the same time, once again I had to deal with separation from my partner in crime at work. He left to pursue his dream to become an artist. After his departure, I had to run the division all by myself. It was supposed to be a lonely feeling, but thank God, I have the best support system to catch me when I fall.

Long story short, the office moved to a new place (to leave the past behind and start anew), and I moved out to live with my aunt. I couldn't tell you enough how grateful I am to have lived this life now. More than ever, I love everything about it. The good, the bad, the pretty, and the ugly. 2021 made me experience loss in ways I could never imagine, I wasn't just facing the death of loved ones, but leaving and being left, to change and adapt, to move forward and be open to whatever will happen next, to be joyful, even at times and events I haven't understood yet. What I am now is just trying to survive, day by day, and hoping to get out of it alive, well, hopeful, and lively.

I think I've become a more jovial person. To realize that this life is so short and all you have could just disappear in a blink of an eye. I learn to love without borders, love with no limit, and spread the love to whoever or whatever is around me. While life is starting to get smoother, I found an old friend's blog. I was surprised to see how she's still writing on that blog. I never told her this, but she is the reason I love writing and having a blog to pour down my emotion. 

This entry was inspired by her blog. I know in real life we're not close anymore, but by seeing her writings I could see her the same way I knew her from the first time we became friends. No... It's not like we're not friends anymore, just, parting our own ways. I'd like to believe that the "separation" was mutual and natural (just like one of my friends told me yesterday), but this is not the case. I think there are things we've never got to say to each other, that went on for a long time until it is "naturalized." And we became okay with it. It's not okay, okay?

***

Hey, you know who you are, and I hope you're still visiting. 

If you ever find this post, I really want to reconnect. And I wish I am brave enough to say it to your face, but I think I'm still the same old coward. Ha! Aren't we the same? Anyway, I don't know where you live now, but all I want to say is that we're all grown up now. Whatever we had in the past, I do not take that personally. And I am sorry if I never talk to you about it. I wished we made time to speak our minds, 'cause look at us now. I refuse to say that we are strangers, you know. And learning from what I've experienced last year, I do not want us to be strangers until the arrival of our time.

I miss you. Call me back if you see this.

Love always,

D